Let’s make this simple: If you like the Nintendo Wii and you like television’s Deal or No Deal, you’ll love Deal or No Deal for the Nintendo Wii. If (like me) you wonder what people see in the Deal or No Deal television show, you (like me) will probably wonder why anyone would want to play it at home with no possibility of winning real cash.

In all fairness, Deal or No Deal for the Wii plays exactly like the television show. Players (yes, you can use your Mii!) choose one of 26 briefcases, each of which contain an amount of money between one cent and one million dollars. The rest of the game is spent eliminating the other 25 briefcases on whatever order you choose. Throughout the game, the “banker” will stop the action and offer to pay you mathematically-calculated sums of money in order to quit.

Like the television show, the virtual game is hosted by Howie Mandell, appearing here as a slightly odd-looking bobble head. Each briefcase is also accompanied by a virtual model which also resembles a bobble head, proportion-wise. (Each model has a name, although I’m not sure if they correlate with the real models from the show.) The real-world set has been faithfully reproduced here, and the game is presented through enough different camera angles that you get the feeling you are participating in a real television program. (All of the cinematics can, thankfully, be skipped by pressing “A”. Play the game more than once and you’ll be pressing “A” a lot.)

Briefcases are chosen by pointing and clicking on them with the Wiimote, which shouldn’t be that difficult. On my 35″ television the briefcases are bearable but I can see it being challenging on televisions smaller than mine; You also have to click directly on the briefcases; you can’t click on the (much larger) models standing behind them. After each case is opened, the model standing behind it will react appropriately; they’ll cheer when you open a low one and “aww” when you open a high one. The game continues until you open all the briefcases, or accept the banker’s offer, both of which seem kind of moot when you’re not playing for real money. (I checked my Wii’s disc slot afterwards; the game dispenses no cash.)

In addition to normal television rules, the game also allows you to play custom games, which for the most part correspond with the Deal or No Deal television specials (more than one million dollar briefcase, for example). I didn’t think these variations were any more (or any less) exciting than the original, just different.

Deal or No Deal also offers various challenge games where players can “bet it all” or even play as the banker (which I thought was interesting). The disc also contains three mini-games, none of which held my attention for more than two minutes. In “Push Your Luck”, players randomly pick briefcases until they find an empty one, at which point the game ends. In “Sharp Shooter” the briefcases fly around the screen and players must shoot them. “BlackJack” plays just like the traditional card game, substituting briefcases for cards.

Deal or No Deal also has 25 achievements to unlock, if that’s your thing, and also tracks high scores of every game and displays them on a leaderboard which is viewable from almost every single menu.

I’ve always considered Deal or No Deal to be largely a game of chance, and like most slot machines, once the ability to win real cash has been removed, the game loses most of its appeal to me. Fans of the television show who have always wanted to play Deal or No Deal in their living room can now live out their fantasy with this game for the Wii. For anyone else, I’d recommend a rental as I got bored after about fifteen minutes.

James Toback’s 2008 documentary Tyson isn’t a documentary in the true sense of the word.

For 90 minutes, viewers get to hear Mike Tyson’s story as told by Iron Mike himself. Through Tyson’s uniquely high-pitched lisp, we hear about how he was the the fat kid who got picked on in grade school, the misguided teenager who spent his free time participating in home invasions, and the older teen who, under the direction of boxing legend Cus D’amato, channeled his anger into his boxing training. All of these stories are complimented with photographs and video clips.

We also get to hear about “the leeches” that Mike surrounded himself with: Tyson briefly talks about Desiree Washington (the 18-year-old he was convicted of raping) and his ex-wife Robin Givens, while saving his most biting criticism for former promoter Don King.

Who we don’t hear from is, well, anybody else. We never get to hear from Washington, Givens, King, or anyone else from Tyson’s past. We don’t hear much about the $300 million dollars Tyson squandered, or his series of arrests due to DUIs and drug possession. To hear Mike tell it, he was the greatest fighter of all time who only lost fights because he spent the previous night having sex, and reigned until he got tired of the sport and quit.

Tyson sets out to paint the infamous boxer as a life-long victim while downplaying his own victims. If you want to hear Mike Tyson’s version of history from his own lips, this documentary delivers. If you’re looking for a more fair and balanced view of historical events, you might keep looking. If nothing, Tyson gives viewers a look at how Mike Tyson perceives the world. While Mike’s story may be depressing, his view of history is probably the saddest thing of all.

I was twelve years old when Back to the Future first hit theaters in 1985. It was two years after Return of the Jedi had been released, so the timing was right for a new trilogy of films to dig into America’s culture. Along with Indiana Jones and Star Wars, Back to the Future would do on to become one of the most popular movie trilogies of all time, and is now the first of those trilogies to appear on DVD. My fascination with BTTF started very early; I remember seeing the first film two or three times in the movie theater. Later, when the movies came out on home video, I really became infatuated with the trilogy. As a kid, I never noticed that Marty leaves the “Twin Pines Mall,” runs over a pine tree, and returns to the “Lone Pine Mall.” Once I discovered that, I became even more hooked. I must’ve watched the film 20 times on home video, trying to find different interesting things the writers had hidden in the scripts.

The Back to the Future trilogy has been one of the most anticipated DVD releases since the format was introduced. Rumors circulated that the movies were going to be released in 1998… and then, 1999. Then 2000. Then 2001. Finally, word hit the net that the elusive movies would appear for Christmas of 2002. After almost five years of waiting, the BTTF DVD box set appeared under my Christmas tree this year. After spending three days already knee deep in the extras in this box set, I can definitely say the DVDs were worth the wait.

Let’s talk about what you get right up front. All three Back to the Future flicks have been remastered here for 5.1 sound, and the movies sound great. Scenes with special effects, like the DeLorean jumping through time or lightning striking the clock tower really stand out. Films two and three take more advantage of the rear speakers, while the first mainly uses it for effects. The movies have also been reprinted, and are cleaner now than ever. The trilogy is available in either full screen or letterbox formats — and yes, for those who haven’t heard, movies two and three aren’t really in letterbox, they are just full screen versions with black bars matted over the top and bottom. Replacement discs will be available for free in February, so feel free to buy it now.

So, let’s talk about Disc 1 first, which contains the first film, Back to the Future. Christmas day, I watched the film. 90 minutes. Afterwards, I watched “The Making of Back to the Future”, a featurette from the 80’s, and “Making the Trilogy: Chapter One”. Both together lasted a little over an hour. Then I watched the film again, with the “Q&A” feature turned on. It’s basically like a commentary track, but with director Robert Zemeckis and producer Bob Gale answering questions in front of a college film audience. After that, I watched the film three more times — once with the “enhanced Michael J. Fox conversation” feature turned on (similar to the white rabbit option on The Matrix), once listening to the feature commentary with producers Bob Gale and Neil Canton, and once with the “Did You Know That?” feature turned on, which turns the movie into a “Pop Up Video”-like experience. For those of you keeping count, that’s approximately 8 and a half hours of video, which doesn’t include deleted scenes, outtakes, makeup tests, production picture archives, original screenplay excerpts, trailers, production notes, recommendations, and other small bits and pieces. You can easily kill half a day with this one disc.

If you have ever had any question about Back to the Future, it most likely is answered somewhere on this DVD. From “why did they use a DeLorean as a time travel machine” to “why are there two backwards 9’s in the air when the DeLorean gets hit by lightning and gets shot into the past,” every second of this film is covered in documentaries and commentaries. “Why was Eric Stoltz dropped and Michael J. Fox hired to replace him?” “Why did Crispin Glover not return for parts II and III?” Questions fans of the movies have been asking for years are all answered here in one nice little package.

Disc II of the boxset continues the time travel goodness with Back to the Future II, my favorite of the series. Again, aside from a new transfer and a 5.1 remix, viewers get even more “making of” documentaries, another Q&A commentary, another feature length commentary, another pop-up video sttle anecdote feature, PLUS production designs, storyboards, “Designing the DeLorean,” “Designing Time Travel,” hoverboard test footage, evolution of visual effect shots, production archives, trailers, production notes, recommendations, a Huey Lewis & the News video, and more. Some information from some of the sources overlap each other, but as with the first disc, no stone is left unturned on this DVD.

Back to the Future II had some awesome special effects, particularly ones that included several Michael J. Foxs on screen at the same time. In the “Evolution of Special Effects” feature, you can see several scenes without the special effects, and then watch them slowly be added. With this, plus all the little (and big) extras tucked away on this DVD, you can easily kill a second day with this one. Even non-fans of the film will find themselves peeking around and checking out features. The hoverboard test footage is awesome, as stunt doubles “fly” around the California desert as they work the kinks out of the system. You can see the harnesses and the rigs holding the actors, and it still somehow seems like magic.

Disc III contains Back to the Future III. Again, we’re treated to the two different commentary tracks as well as all the other extra segments. A ZZ Top music video appears, as well as two other cool features. One is “The Secrets Behind Back to the Future”, an old telelvision program starring Kirk Cameron, reading questions written in by fans and answering them on screen. The other feature I liked was the “Back to the Future FAQ”, which answers the most asked questions about the trilogy. By this time in the viewing, most of these questions have been answered elsewhere, but it was still interesting to read. One of the questions is, “are hoverboards real?” and the producers answer that this is one of the most common questions they get asked, still to this day.

It would take you basically twelve hours to watch all the extras on each disc. At three discs, that’s a day and a half straight of watching Back to the Future. Besides all that extra goodness, you also get THE MOVIES! Even without all the extras piled on, $40 for 3 classic films is an awesome deal — hell, I’ve paid more for bad movies in the used bin. More than once. Plus, as I said, on TOP of the movies, you get every possible Back to the Future factoid known to man. Did you know the amplifier Marty McFly plugs his guitar into in Doc Brown’s lab is labeled “CRM-114″, which is also the name of the decoder in Stanley Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, as well as the serial number of the Jupiter explorer in 2001: A Space Odyssey?

This is the Back to the Future collection. Every extra, every cut scene, every tidbit of information is preserved here, all in one nice, complete box set. I don’t see how they can release a special edition after this one, folks, everything you could possibly want is here. I hope those responsible for the eventual Star Wars and Indiana Jones DVD boxsets take note — Universal has set the bar pretty high with this one.

Bridge to Terabithia, based on the 1997 novel by Katherine Paterson, is a touching story about two children, both social outcasts, who together escape their daily struggles by visiting the imaginary land of Terabithia. In this pretend world, Jesse and Leslie reign as the King and Queen and spend much of their time fixing up their castle and battling imaginary creatures. The movie is an emotional tale and a terrific film. My only complaint is that the films marketing is completely misleading (more on that later).

As the only boy among five children, Jesse Aarons (Josh Hutcherson, from RV) just doesnt fit in. His love of art conflicts with his fathers (Robert Patrick, Terminator) hard working blue-collar ethics. His days are spent being tormented on the bus by 8th graders and being picked on by his classmates. His hopes of proving his mastery of, well, anything (in this case, a foot race) are dashed when new-girl-in-school Leslie (AnnaSophia Robb, Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) beats all the boys. Leslie is no social butterfly herself; her unique clothing style alienates her from her classmates, and her parents are authors who lock themselves away for days on end working on fiction novels. The two social misfits quickly become friends, spending their after school hours exploring the woods behind their home an area that the two dub Terabithia.

In this new imaginary land, Jesses bullying classmates become evil critters to be fought, and Leslie imagines dragonflies as a hoard of friendly warriors. Eventually, the twos imaginations are no match for reality. When a major character within the film dies, the scope of the film changes dramatically and this is where my complaint about the films marketing begins.

Those who have seen the trailer (like myself) imagine Bridge to Terabithia to fall somewhere between The Wizard of Oz and Narnia; however, the trailer is intentionally misleading. Although the overwhelming majority of the movies commercials show the imaginary land of Terabithia, no more than fifteen minutes of the film take place there. In fact, the wide-angle, cinematic shot of the Castle of Terabithia actually appears in the films closing shot!

I do think Bridge to Terabithia is a fantastic film. That being said, I also feel like the victim of the old bait-and-switch technique. Had I known the true subject, scope and situations presented within the film, I would have taken my wife to see it instead of my five-year-old son Mason. While theres nothing particularly inappropriate for a young child to see, chances are the majority of the films themes will go directly over their heads, leaving them pining for more of the imaginary place the trailers promised us.

Or, as Mason put it as we were leaving the theater, Daddy, did we just see the right movie?

The titular Braindrainer from Michael Legge’s low-budget horror film of the same name is an alien life form from outer space disguised as a rock and delivered to Earth by a meteor. As people touch it, their brains are reduced to the size of a raisin and they instantly become comatose.

When the Braindrainer actually leaps into Senator Rick Vapid’s head, the race is on to find a cure. Dr. Belinda Garland, for which the alien meteor has been named (”Garlandite”), must team up with the brilliant but blind (and ironically named) Matt Retina if they hope to save the Senator’s life and find a way to fight the Garlandite. They’ll also have to defend themselves against The Amazing Jacques (Legge), a hypnotist who intends on stealing the Garlandite and turning the masses into his brainless slaves. Jacques has enlisted help from Spiderwoman and her creepy assistant, The Creeper. It’s all very silly, lighthearted, and entertaining.

Braindrainer actually made me laugh (or at least smirk) more than once. Legge’s jokes are more entertaining than the film’s low budget lets on. More than just simple one-liners or crude cusswords, Legge does a good job at presenting some real honest-to-goodness jokes within his dialogue and sets up some funny situations throughout his film (the reporters leading the blind scientist around in circles cracked me up).

Like most low budget films, the lack of funding is apparent through the film’s audio and editing (which may have been done on videotape). According to information I found via the Internet, a re-cut DVD edition of Braindrainer appears to have been released. My copy came from the Dollar Store and included a second movie on the disc, so I have to assume I ended up with the older, rougher version.

Braindrainer is an example of low budget horror filmmaking done right. Michael Legge, who according to his IMDB biography works as a United States postal employee when not making films, has a good eye for comedic timing and political satire. If you can overlook the normal issues that plague most low dough shows, Braindrainer is an entertaining take on the horror-meets-science-fiction genre.

I like the Kids in the Hall. I thought their show was funny, and when I heard their feature length movie Brain Candy was coming out on DVD, I looked forward to seeing it. Unfortunately, I also like Saturday Night Live, and have been burned by one too many unfunny SNL movies. Three minute ideas often become painful ten-minute skits, and excruciatingly long 90-minute films.

Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy falls into the same trap. With no one telling the guys what works, what doesn’t, what should be more developed and what should be cut, the guys spend their hour and a half of screen time throwing everything they have at the screen, seeing what sticks. Unfortunately for us, very little does.

Brain Candy tells the “story” of a group of research scientists working for Roritor, Inc, who discover a pill that cures depression. Due to pressure from the company’s CEO, they decide to release the drug on the world, sans any major testing. The drug switches from being a prescription-only medication to an over the counter pill, and soon the entire world is without depression. Unfortunately for Roritor, a minor side effect is discovered — some of the drug’s users are left in a coma, with their brains stuck in their happiest memories. The scientists must regroup and discover a cure.

The first ten minutes is spent parading cameos of characters apparently from the KitH television show. They never reappear, and their appearances are pointless to the plot. Halfway through the movie I kept wondering if any of those characters would ever reappear, but they never do.

I’d file Brain Candy under those movies that made me chuckle a few times, but not one that I’d call “funny”. When the scientist meets “Cancer Boy,” their conversation ends with a long, awkward pause which made me offer up a “heh,” but my grin was gone long before the scene ended. It’s jokes like this where the guys could use some directorial guidance — the joke might sound funny on paper or on the set, but while watching the movie it just doesn’t go over big. Oh, and half the movie’s jokes revolve around men playing women, so if you don’t find that hilarious, you’ll find yourself sitting around and not laughing like myself. Guys in drag, got it, saw it on the show, saw it here. Not really that funny anymore.

Some of the biggest jokes in the movie come when you actually get to enter people’s heads and see what their happiest (and later, saddest) memories are. Big surprise when the old lady’s memories revolve around her son and grandkids visiting, or when the gay man’s remembers fond memories of bootcamp. Sure, they had minor funny moments, but they all seemed to just go for the obvious. Only Mrs. Hurdicure’s saddest memory was something slightly original, which ended up being one of the funniest moments in the film.

The film does seem to make a few jabs at society, particularly in the directions of corporate America and the use of medications in society. While I got it, I really don’t go looking to Canadian comedy troupes for deep mental stimulation either. If they were counting on those references to carry the movie along, it failed.

As only a casual fan of the television show, I don’t know if there were a bunch inside jokes I just didn’t get, or if no one watching the film got them. A commentary track might have filled me in, but that’s one extra that didn’t make it to the DVD. Actually, no extras made it to the DVD. If this DVD had any fewer extras, it would be called a VHS tape. Chapter selection and subtitles are the only features found here.

If you’ve ever watched the KitH television show, you know that some of their skits work, and some don’t. Brain Candy seems like a bunch of strung together skits that for the most part, don’t work. If I saw this in a bargain bin for $5 I might pick it up, that’s about all I can say for it. A string of mediocre jokes from people that I normally find very funny.

Written and directed by the Coen brothers (Fargo, Raising Arizona, O Brother, Where Art Thou?) The Big Lebowski tells the story of Dude Lebowski (Jeff Bridges), a peace-loving hippy who is mistaken for the titular millionaire Lebowski. Because of the mistaken identity, a couple of ruffians end up trashing his house, roughing up the Dude, and relieving themselves on his rug. That act of urination begins a chain of events that will leads the Dude and his friends into a twisted adventure.

After a meeting between the two Lebowskis, the Big Lebowskis trophy wife Bunny (Tara Reid) is kidnapped, and Dude is chosen to relay the ransom money to the kidnappers. The Dudes pal Walter (John Goodman) comes up with another plan, and by the time the plot begins unraveling you (and everyone else in the movie) will be wondering just whose side the Dude is on.

The Big Lebowski consists of a decent plot with several twists and turns, but relies heavily on character actors for its entertainment. Steve Buscemi, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Julianne Moore all put on interesting performances, which like a magician, divert the audiences eyes away from the pretty unbelievable plot. In that aspect, The Big Lebowski stands more as a character study than a true narrative.

The Big Lebowski plays like a cross between the Coen brothers two most successful films prior to this one by using plot twists like Fargo and interesting characters ala Raising Arizona. It often plays as if it were written by the Dude himself, as so many of the films points, thoughts, and ideas never seem to go anywhere in particular and just when things do begin moving along, someone comes along and clobbers the Dude in the noggin, sending him into yet another musically-inspired acid flashback.

Like Napoleon Dynamite, the most enjoyable thing about The Big Lebowski is that everyone either knows someone like the Dude, or was/is the Dude. In fact, most of the characters in The Big Lebowski are generic and recognizable enough (especially the Dudes circle of friends) that youll probably recognize either yourself or someone else in the group. If youre more into laughing than analyzing plots and like the Coen brothers unique style of comedic characters, youll dig The Big Lebowski.

Finally The ROCK has come BACK to DVD. And to you, all the millions AND millions, of wrestling fans out there, THIS is the disc you have been waiting for. And if your DVD player wont play this disc, maybe the Rock can help you by coming over, turning that S.O.B. sideways, and sticking it straight up your candy ass!

All wrestling shtick aside, Beyond The Mat is THE must-own movie if you are a fan of the current world of professional wrestling. The movie takes strides to show the human side of wrestlers — their relationships, their joy, and their pain. By doing this, the movie opens up professional wrestling to a much larger audience.

Barry W. Blaustein, both a filmmaker and a fan of professional wrestling, decided to make a movie about the real lives of wrestlers. In an anecdote told during the beginning of the film, he relates a story where as a child he went to a professional wrestling match. After the match was over, he saw a professional wrestler get into a car and drive away with his family. This was the incident that made him realize that professional wrestlers were real people too. Inspired by this memory, Blaustein spent five years recording over 60 hours of documentary footage. Blaustein edited the footage down to a 102-minute documentary, and added insightful narration to the entire thing. The final product is Beyond The Mat.

The DVD release of Beyond The Mat is unrated. The original theatrical release was R-rated, due to violence and language. Some of the wrestlers made some extremely negative comments (mostly against the WWF) in their on-camera interviews. Although these comments were cut out of the theatrical release, the comments were reinserted into the home release. Its difficult to find what was reinserted back in because its not marked and I didn’t see the theatrical release, but from what I could find on the Internet, the theatrical version was 102 minutes, and this version clocks in at a little over 107 minutes.

The majority of the film follows three wrestlers — Mick Foley, Terry Funk, and Jake “the Snake” Roberts — over the past few years of their careers.

Beyond The Mat goes beyond wrestling by delving into their personal lives and relationships, showing the real side of professional wrestling, and the human side of the wrestlers. Its interesting how Jake the Snake is presented as the past of wrestling, Terry Funk as the current hero of wrestling, and Mick Foley as the future. Shortly after the movie was released, Mick retired from wrestling, and Terry Funk, who retires from wrestling in the movie, came back from retirement. Jake the Snake well Jake the Snake is still wrestling for $25 a show and smoking a lot of crack, both of which he does on camera as well.

My wife, who thinks there is something wrong with grown men wearing masks, tights, and rolling around with each other on television, loved the movie. She really liked the behind-the-scenes footage, seeing the wrestlers wives, their kids, and all of the drama in their personal lives. I liked all that, but being a fan of professional wrestling, I also liked seeing the wrestlers I had forgotten about years ago (Koko B. Ware??) and seeing where they are now. My wife liked all the home footage of people like Mankind out on the beach playing with their kids, out of character.

If you think the biggest excitement for wrestlers is in the ring, think again. This movie choked me up at least three times: once when Mick Foleys kids ended up watching their daddy take 14 shots to the head with a metal chair; once when Terry Funk decides to give up professional wrestling; and once when Jake the Snake has a reunion with his estranged daughter. Actually the majority of the Jake the Snake portion of the film had me torn up a bit. Watching someone sink so low after being a celebrity is pretty depressing stuff.

To quote the production notes, Beyond The Mat is an honest, uncensored, sensational behind-the-scenes look at wrestling. It takes the viewers beyond the ring and into the lives of the men and women who inhabit this colorful, competitive and surprisingly complex world. The personal and professional struggle is the core of Beyond The Mat. Tough to top that. Beyond The Mat is a fascinatingly real look behind the scenes at a sport that doesnt seem real. If youre the type of guy who likes to find out how they do special effects in movies, you should enjoy this. It goes without saying that any fan of wrestling, whether it be ECW, WCW, or WWF should definitely check this disc out. Also, if youre a wrestling fan who has a spouse who is not a wresting fan, this could be the one to win them over.

Compared to me and my friend Stephen watching scrambled wrestling Pay Per Views on cable and trying to figure out what is going on, the video looks great! All kidding aside, it does look really good. And got a much better transfer than I figured a film of this genre would. It really seems like they spent a lot of time and effort on the transfer. I didnt see any added digital noise. The movie itself was shot in both 16mm and video to give it a, for lack of a better word, documentary type look. The audio has also received more special treatment than I thought it would. For example, when they are driving through some of the suburban areas, the voices stay in the front channel, while nature noises (birds, crickets, etc) can be heard from the rear– nice touch! Several of the wrestling events in the show also have crowd noises pumped throughout the rear of the room. Another professional job. One pet peeve is my Pioneer player wouldnt let me switch audio tracks on the fly, which is something I can usually do.

The main reason I wanted to get this disc was for the extras. This disc certainly does not disappoint. First of all you get a Cast and Filmmakers, which shows pictures of the main wrestlers featured in the movie and a little blurb about each one. You probably know everything in here if you watch wrestling.

Next you get Production Notes, which talks about the making of Beyond The Mat. It has a few pictures taken from the movie and maybe 5 or 6 paragraphs about the project. Most of the information is repeated in other places on the disc.

The third extra you get is the Theatrical Trailer. The last extra, Feature Commentary, contains some cool stuff. The movie comes with two separate commentary tracks one with the director Barry W. Blaustein, and a second with both Blaustein and Terry Funk. Then there are two shorter commentaries by Mick Foley. One is where Foley talks over his 8 minute segment in the film titled On My Life In Wrestling, and another one is a 20 minute segment where he talks over The Royal Rumble video. The weird thing is that the movie is basically wrestling footage with commentary track over it, so this is like a commentary track on top of a commentary track. Some of the information is repeated and there are some longer than average lulls, but there is a TON of information here to be gathered. While some of the other extras on the disc reek of filler material, the feature length commentaries will keep you watching this disc for a while especially if you have wrestling buddies.

If youre a wrestling fan, definitely pick this title up. It not only shows a lot of the inner workings of professional wrestling, but it also shows the human side of these characters that we dont normally get to see. We get to see Terry Funks daughters wedding, along with many other personal moments of these guys lives. We get to see both up-and-coming and down-and-out wrestlers. The movie itself is addictive, and the added commentary tracks just add another layer of information to be soaked up. My wife found the movie interesting, but I wouldnt say addictive. She enjoyed the relationships and personal drama more than the Japanese barbed wire wrestling clips shown. Still, we both watched and enjoyed it. I cant wait until the next pay-per-view I plan on having the guys over and having a Beyond The Mat viewing party to kick it off.

In 1996, before the debut of Tromeo and Juliet at the Cannes Film Festival, Troma showed the trailer for this movie, Beware! Children at Play. Half of the audience got up and left.

Chances are you’ll never see this film. Chances are, most people wouldn’t want to. That’s where I come in - the reviewer of bad, horror films. As you loyal readers have already heard, the movie section of White Trash Devil is going away. That’s bad for me, a guy who wrote a bunch of Halloween movie reviews sitting around half-finished. Better late than never, I’m sending them in! Consider this a going away present to the movie section, and a tip of the hat to Halloween, the greatest holiday.

Mik Cribbin, director of this mess-terpiece, explains during an interview included on the DVD that before filming this movie he was working as a cameraman on another horror film. After getting the money, investors, and special effects lined up, the movie fell through. So, with everything but a script, Cribbin pulled one of his own scripts out of the file and began to film it. Cribbin had never made a motion picture before. It shows.

So, following is pretty much a summary of the film, with a few comments here and there. There’s plenty of spoilers, not that it’ll matter - the fun isn’t in figuring out the plot, it’s … well, I’m not sure where the fun lies, I guess it’s somewhere between the bad acting and the ton of blood and fake organs used on the set.

Beware! Children at Play (BCaP) starts out with a father and son on a camping trip out in the woods. You can tell that they’re related - they have the same acting ability (very little). Their relationship seems to be pretty normal, save for dad’s bad habit of singing about mythological creatures to junior around the campfire.

Things seem to be going pretty normal until dad steps in a bear trap, falls, and hits his head - a fairly normal chain of events, as far as Troma films go. Dad and Glenn aren’t able to get the bear trap open. Dad gives up after 10 seconds of trying to free himself, and sends junior back to the campsite for provisions and water. Their plan (or lack of one) is to stay put, hoping for someone to come rescue them (they don’t seem to be THAT deep in the woods, but whatever.)

Of course, no one comes, and dad starts getting a little loopy after sitting out in the woods for three or four days. After rambling on about demons and goblins and maggots, dad finally kicks the bucket. Apparently the kid’s a little loopy as well, because after dad’s been dead for, oh, 30 seconds or so, little Glenn gets tired of the canned provisions and pulls out a hunting knife, cuts dad open, and starts eating his guts.

We’re five minutes into the film, folks.

Time passes. Enter the peachy clean family of John, Julie, and cute daughter Kara. The nicest family in the world is on the way to Uncle Ross’s house. Uncle Ross is a little upset - seems his oldest daughter wandered off about three years ago, and the family hasn’t quite recovered.

During a cheap plot development, the family stops to help a travelling salesman who is having car trouble. The salesman goes off on a 10 minute exposition speech that has little to do with anything, other than to set up the facts that the townsfolk are inbred, and that at least 12 or so kids have recently come up missing. A few minutes later, the traveling salesman gets what all travelling salesmen deserve - a clean severing of the bottom half of his body from the top half.

More boring expose’ goes on. Ross and John have a conversation about how one kid every two months disappears. That salesman was right, these people are pretty slow, seeing as though Ross is the Sheriff and isn’t out looking for his daughter. Instead everyone’s sitting around the house, talking about why people are missing. This is where John comes into the story - he’s a pulp fiction writer, and Ross has invited him out because he thinks maybe he might know a mind reader or something. There’s lots of weird plot twists that don’t go anywhere. Another friend of the family, the family doctor, has also shown up to the party - so now, the town Sheriff, the pulp-fiction writer, and the town doctor (Dr. Fish) are putting their heads together, hoping to solve the case.

If this is starting to sound like a bad version of Children of the Corn, well, you’re right. Scenes of kids whispering in the woods are intercut throughout this portion.

Another kid gets abducted, and the sheriff holds a press conference … on the sidewalk, outside of city hall, with no cameras, just one lady in a pantsuit asking questions with a microphone. Our three protagonists are meeting to pick out a psychic, to help them crack the case. Now at this point, kids have been disappearing every two months, and there’s now 13 kids missing, so whatever other method of detective work they’ve been doing hasn’t exactly been turning over a lot of clues.

At this point they also introduce the “Brownies” - no, not the junior girl scouts, but crazy cult like people who live in the woods. They reference them about 20 times in 2 minutes, so even the densest of viewers know to take note.

The three muskateers of crime fighting go from interview to interview, trying to crack the case. The writer, who has by now revealed he also thinks he has ESP, has taken the reigns in the investigation. While interviewing one crazy local, he spies a car under a tarp. The car belongs to the travelling salesman, and has blood on it. “What does it all mean?” the Sheriff asks. Now, how the HELL did he get to be Sheriff. I think we all know what it means at that point!

A psychic is brought in, and the numbskull trio give her a doll that belonged to one of the children. The psychic takes the doll, follows it’s “vibes”, and wanders off into the woods. Once in the woods, she is surrounded by all the missing kids! This is a happy reunion for about 10 seconds until the little munchkins jab her in the legs with sticks. Once on the ground, the kids slit her throat and eat her face, while chanting “Gulp the blood, gobble the flesh, tear her to pieces,” over and over. Some local teenagers witness the event, tell the Sheriff, and now the chase is on.

A few more townsfolk get killed by kid-made traps (the fence-post with stakes through it is particularly nice). The town is getting fed up with waiting for the Sheriff and crew to solve the case, and begin meetings to try and find “the killers” on their own.

Here’s where the case gets cracked. John’s wife is a literary teacher, who figures out that the thing they were chanting had alliteration. She places the line from the story Beowulf. In Beowulf, the main bad guy was named Grendal. Grendal was a cannibal. Remember the dopey kid from the beginning of the story? Glenn Randall? G.Randall? Grendal? Oh boy, this is thin. And I mean, this is the WHOLE plot development that cracks the case. When the cops look up old man Randall’s file, they find that yes, he taught Anglo-Saxon. Anglo-Saxon? When’s the last time they offered THAT class?

People’s wives and kids begin dying. In fact, John’s wife gets killed and Ross’s wife gets kidnapped by the children from Hell. “And now, it’s personal.” Oh, screw everyone else’s kids, even Ross’s kid, now that they ate his drugged up sedated wife, it’s personal now. Sheesh. So the Sheriff and John are planning their attack against the kids, but the townsfolk have another idea - a mass mob. They’ve decided they will attack the kids on site. The Sheriff pleads for them to be patient, but it doesn’t look good. The final conflict is coming up, hang in there.

The campsite is found. John finds Amy, the missing daughter, but the kids find her dad (Sheriff) and kill him. Now there’s some training, when the Sheriff can be overpowered by a bunch of 8 year olds.

John finds the hidden salesman’s car and steals it, with Amy in tow. John uses Amy to take him back to Grendal’s camp … but the townsfolk also follow. And now, for the exciting climax of Beware! Children at Play.

Spoilers below.

John shows up at Grendal’s site with Amy (their “Queen”). Grendal attacks John, and even though the 8 year old kids were able to overpower the Sheriff without much of a battle, John proceeds to kick Grendal’s ass pretty severely. John begins looking for his daughter (which has been kidnapped also in the melee). So, Grendal has been defeated, his daughter has been rescued … happy ended, no?

No. The townsfolk show up and decide to kill all the children, even though the danger has been averted. And I’m not talking about just killing the kids - slaughtered is more the correct word. John warns them that if they touch one kid, he will have them up on “Accessory to murder charges.” The first townsfolk answers that with a bullet to John’s head.

Then the rest of the townsfolk attack. Kids are stabbed in the neck with pitchforks. Kids are shot with shotguns. One girl gets a hatchet in the back. One takes a meat cleaver to the head. One gets his neck crushed with a 2×4. One gets an arrow to the chest. One gets a shotgun to the head at point blank range. One takes a machette to the chest. Pretty guesome stuff here.

Once done, the townsfolk go home. John, who took a bullet to the forehead, flops around a bit, and his daughter, who was stuck under him during the battle, lives, only to wander off into the forest.

The movie ends with about two minutes of footage that look like they’re from a Faces of Death video, just showing still shots of all the dead kids. Well, not really still shots, most of them are breathing, but that’s ok. Then at the very end, the little innocent girl is seen with a knife, about to cut and bite into one of the victims. THE END! HAPPY ENDING!

Beware! Children at Play has to be one of the worst films I’ve ever seen - and what’s even worse is, I own it on DVD, as part of a massive Troma purchase I made a year or so ago on Ebay. The acting is bad, the plot is bad, and the kids getting killed for no reason at the end of the film just bothered me for some reason. It’s a great movie to see with friends, because people are like, “they’re not REALLY going to kill the kids, are they?” and then you’re thinking “there’s no WAY they’re going to kill the kids,” and then they proceed to snuff them all in a very violent fashion.

Recommended for sick, twisted individuals, who love B movies with lots of gore and bad acting.

Isn’t it odd that people in movies never act like people in real life do?

In Bedazzled, Elliot Richards (played by Brendan Fraser) is a geeky tech support employee who runs into Satan HERself (Elizabeth Hurley) at a local club. Elliot only has one wish in life, which is to be united with Allison, the girl of his dreams (Frances O’Connor), but in exchange for his soul, Elliot is granted a total of seven.

None of his wishes are limited in length or stipulation. Elliot is also handed a pager and is told if he dials ‘666′, his wish will be canceled and he will return to our “present” reality. How bad could it get, right?

Pretty bad.

The Devil is not in the business of letting people live happily ever after. Anyone who’s ever seen any of the classic Twilight Zone episodes (The man who was granted immortality gets a life sentence in prison, the man who gets all the books in the world to read breaks his only pair of reading glasses, etc) will know exactly what to expect. The Devil shoots holes in each of Elliot’s wishes by reading between the lines and giving him a little something extra each time.

Elliot’s first wish seemed pretty good to me: he wished to be rich, powerful, good looking, and to be married to Allison. POOF, he gets his wish! Unfortunately, he has become a rich, powerful, good looking COLUMBIAN DRUG LORD, married to an unfaithful Allison. OOPS.

Right about here is where I started getting irked with the movie. In the midst of gunfire, Elliot dials his way out of that wish and, instead of being MORE specific in his following wishes, he becomes LESS specific. Some of his other wishes include stuff like, “I wish I were an NBA basketball player.” Huh? Plenty of room for error there. When Elliot wishes he were the President of the United States of America, the Devil turns him into Abraham Lincoln, about ten minutes before he is shot.

You would think that at some point Elliot would just wish, “I wish my life were just like it is today, except I was happily married to Allison and she were happily married to me. Nothing else would change. Oh, and each time I open my wallet, there would be a new, non-counterfeit, spendable $100 bill there.”

Seems pretty easy to me, but instead Elliot runs around like an idiot wishing he were “the world’s most sensitive man” (who gets beat up by bullies on the beach) and “a well spoken gentleman who the lady’s adore” (they sure do - and so do the men, the Devil made him gay).

Not that I am a big religious person (or a small religious person, for that matter), but I thought I had seen the diety related-cinematic low point when I saw Alanis MOrrisette as God in Dogma. Her casting seems brilliant compared to the gangster in prison who plays God in Bedazzled. If God created us in his/her image, then God looks a lot like Coolio I’m thinking.

I’ve done a lot of rambling about Bedazzled, and not a lot of reviewing, so here’s my short review. Each of the wishes play out like short Saturday Night Live skits - which actually works out okay. None of the skits would make interesting full length movies, but at five to ten minutes each they’re all bearable. The ended totally sucked, and absolutely reeks of “hey guess what this movie is getting to long so let’s end it right now”. Elliot signed a contract thousands of pages long, but happens to wish for “just the right thing” that gets him out of the contract. Likely. This isn’t some sleeze ball attorney here, it’s the DEVIL. HELLO? MR. HORNS??? Pretty easy to fool for being the Prince of Darkness and all that good stuff.

For what it was, Bedazzled is not a bad film. The biggest problem with SNL type films is they take a 5 minute sketch and stretch it into 90 minutes, which almost never works. However, by taking several shorter skits and linking them together, Bedazzled never bores you to death with any one sketch.

If nothing else, the flick is good for sitting around with your buddies and wishing that Elizabeth Hurley will take off her clothes.

PS: There’s an alternate wish that got cut from the film which is hidden on the DVD. In the cut wish Elliot becomes a rock star that seems to be mostly Ozzy Osbourne, with a little Sid Vicious thrown in. There’s plenty of sex, drugs, and rock and roll in this scene, which is why it was cut - to keep the movie at a PG-13 rating instead of a R-Rating, which this scene surely would have done. It’s unfortunate that it was cut, it’s the funniest of the bunch.

PPS: The snake/outfit combo that appears on the cover never appears in the movie.